Silence is awkward...

You know, silence is interesting. It is something we don't encounter much in our modern society. In fact, I can hardly remember the last time I was actually surrounded by silence. Things are always encroaching: car noises, people noises, bumps, creaks, and other man made sounds. But, if I can get away into something close to silence (meaning I shut down I-tunes and leave my laptop), why don't I? This is the question I'm faced with.

I think the answer is pretty simple, kind of sad, but simple. I am afraid of being alone with myself and actually hearing God. I believe that's why I avoid silence. I'm afraid of who I really am. Just as I find the need to surround myself with busy-ness, I find the need to surround myself in a cocoon of noise. Music, sermons, video clips, sound effects, and so much more serves as the soundtrack to my life, only my soundtrack never stops or fades away but keeps on playing. It should frighten me so much to see my lack of desire in this area (and it does), but I look so often and see myself "doing okay" as a spiritual being without the silence. so why bother?

Once again, the answer is easy: God speaks in the stillness, not some huge production (although if He wants to, I'll take it as long as He doesn't scare the pants off of me). My avoidance of the still, small voice goes to my insecurity complex: I'm not good enough and I hear that voice so loudly inside my head when I slow down and try to listen. But, this is something that I cannot afford to overlook. If I skip out on the silence, I skip out on hearing God. Instead I hear echoes of His voice in the words of others. The sermon Erwin McManus (or Ed Young, Jr., or Rob Bell, or Andy Stanley, etc.) preaches comes to me as a secondhand God-encounter and it resonates within me. However, I am missing out on so much by getting it secondhand when I could be at the source. Just like a bottle of water versus a clean, cold, fresh spring of water: I'd rather go t the spring and enjoy it the way it's supposed to be, not the way someone thinks it should be...

So, here's what I'm trying: I'm going to sit in silence at least 10 minutes 5 days this week and just listen. Not pray, not think, just listen and see what God might have in store for me. That way, instead of pouring out a secondhand experience, my story can join with God's story as He speaks it to me and that can go out to my students.

That's my prayer. We'll see how I do...

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