Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story

One of the major things that has motivated me in recent years has been the plight of the "at-risk" students, particularly guys. I mean, how many students can I claim come from a two-parent home, much less one where both parents form a functional family? In semi-rural/suburban Kansas it's startling how the numbers play out but across the nation it's much worse. Just look at theses numbers regarding fatherless kids:

• 15.3 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
• 6.3 times more likely to be in a state-operated institutions
• 4.6 times more likely to commit suicide
• 6.6 times more likely to become teenaged mothers
• 24.3 times more likely to run away
• 10.8 times more likely to commit rape
• 6.6 times more likely to drop out of school
• 15.3 times more likely to end up in prison while a teenage
• 73% of adolescent murderers come from mother only homes
• Daughters who live in mother only homes are 92% more likely to divorce

I've been involved in student ministry for over a decade now and this is by far the most frightening trend. In a nutshell, we are destroying ourselves. Bill Cosby and others have excoriated the black community for the problems there, but you seldom here someone telling it like it is to the white community. However, that's just what John Sowers (and Donald Miller) are addressing. John Sowers, the president of The Mentoring Project, does this in his book, Fatherless Generation: Redeeming the Story

I will begin with a caveat, I believe this is a book for men written that way by a man to communicate with other men, partially due to my wife's interaction with the book, but mainly because of its style. Men learn and communicate primarily in story while most women don't quite understand our pattern (I know my wife has told me a million times, "Do you know how many times I've heard that story?" when I start in). This book is written in a way that should communicate loud and clear if you're a guy. To be honest, I absolutely love that. It made the pages fly by and spoke at a deeper level to me, although part of that may have been the pairing of my passion for students with something that spoke to the pain many of them are dealing with (and that I don't know much about, as I come from a different background and only know what I've read and heard from students). But, let's dig in and see what he has to say...

The beginning chapters lay out the groundwork that define the problem. Divorce rates are above 50%, many men don't want responsibility and leave, others can't take it anymore and leave, while still others stay but mentally check out. The effect it has on the kids is traumatic to say the least, but carries huge implications as some of the statistics prove. Sowers outlines many of the reasons fatherless kids do what they do, breaking into specifics as daughters and sons are very different. There are personal stories from tons of people, both famous and otherwise, detailing fatherlessness and its consequences. Answers are not far from coming though, as there is hope, not further hopelessness. However, the threat is very real as fatherless daughters and sons tend to further perpetuate the crisis, making it literally a curse that lasts into the third and fourth generations.

But, there is hope. Sowers details his experience with two mentors and the life-altering impact they had on him. Then comes the part that excites me: instead of saying, "Someone needs to do something about this," like so many, Sowers says, "WE need to do something about this, now!" When he says that, it's not a generic call to action (although it could be that), but a directed call to the men who sit in a church week after week, see the pain and suffering, are equipped to do something about it, yet haven't been mobilized. In essence, this is a call to arms for men in the church. The idea being that if every church was actively pairing men with at-risk kids the problem of fatherlessness could be eradicated in a short time. The issue comes down to willingness coupled with support: yes, churches have a ready supply of people who could do something, but are they willing to do so and supported in those efforts? This is what the Mentoring Project is for: to connect, empower, equip, and support those who can make a difference as they do that.

If nothing else, Sowers makes a compelling argument for men to be men and do manly stuff with those who don't have a man in their lives. I mean, I learned those things with my dad as we worked together in the electrical business or at the family farm or on the various cars we owned. I learned how to do things and make things work, but more importantly I learned the value of hard work and getting something done right. It was only reinforced by the football and wrestling coaches (thanks, Coach G!) I had through my junior/senior high school years. But, the message didn't stop there, but was carried on through men like James Harp, Roger Lalli, Terry Taylor, Don Gilmore, Michael Milligan, and others who made an impact by being there, working with, and caring about me at our church. It very literally shaped me into who I am today. In fact, I regularly tell our student ministry volunteers that its not about doing the things we have planned, but about building relationships with the students and letting them know how much we care. That is the message of Fatherless Generation, kids need men who love them and reinforce positive messages in their lives. More than that, we need to be open to loving, no matter how long it takes and how hard it might seem. Mentoring a student isn't about a quick fix, but a lifetime of investing ourselves into that kid. It's not an easy road, but it is an easy choice. Are we going to abandon this generation to what TV, movies, and music say is okay? Are we going to allow them to become shaped by their lack or by what someone else can bring to the table? But at a deeper level, the question is are we going to be the church and care for the fatherless (like God) or are we going to be selfishly stuck in our own little worlds?

I read the call to arms, and as a man and youth pastor, I am wholeheartedly embracing that call. Will you join us? Go to The Mentoring Project and let's begin rewriting the story and redeeming this fatherless generation...

As a final thought, here's a video showing just how much influence adults have over their kids behavior. Note: this is a disturbing video in many ways, but watch through it and you'll see at an even deeper level why there is such a need for positive role models...



Join us as we redeem the story and show kids the truth about who they are, who they can be, and who they should be...