Why do we run in circles?

As I started working today I read a few things and then stopped to ask myself a question: when was the last time I stopped and thought about what I'm doing? I had to think a lot to figure out when that was. I evaluate myself regularly on how I'm doing, why I'm doing what I'm doing, and how effective what I'm doing is. But, I never really stop to think about what I'm actually doing. Is it about God and my students or about ministry? Is there really a necessity for lock-ins, concerts, outings, programs, events, and the planning insanity that follows each? So today I'm taking a step back to look at the real reasons for why we do what we do in our ministry. Not only that, I'm looking at why I do what I do each day. Is it an intentional moment for growth or is it simply something to do because we need to do something? Is the message something I feel they need to hear or is it there because we always have a message? These are the questions that I'm dealing with and they kind of scare me. I don't know why, exactly, but looking deeper at my life and ministry is like opening up a deep, dark hole that has SOMETHING inside that I might or might not want to see. Why? I suppose it all goes back to my desire to please people and make things work the absolute best I can. But, what is it I'm really afraid of seeing when I stop to evaluate my life/ministry? Is there something there I can't deal with or is there something I would rather overlook because it might hurt? I don't know, honestly, but I know that I need to get to the real answers to my questions...

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